The Spies Who Loved One Another; or, The Bourne-Again Identity

Apparently, Vacation Bible School has decided that the military-industrial complex is totally cool and is a great way to help our children get to know their Lord and Savior. So, for their 2014 program, they’re encouraging kids to join the International Spy Academy and become special agents for the one true God! They’ve got lots of swell features, like “Mission Music”, “Classified Crafts”, and “Top Secret Snacks”! So pick up your Starter Kit (being sold by the good folks of Answers in Genesis) and join the Truth Force today!

“No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die unto the Lord!”

Okay, guys, I get it. You’re trying to be cool, and you heard that the kids these days are down with secret agents (see: Totally Spies, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., etc.). But first off, you’re a church. Churches were never cool, and there’s nothing you can do to change that. Just accept it. More importantly, spies are bad. Haven’t you been paying attention? It’s not the Cold War anymore, and despite all the hype about the “War on Terror”, it’s plain to see that in the eyes of the government, we’re all terrorists. The most recent Captain America movie should have made this clear: spies are the bad guys now. No one trusts the three-letter agencies anymore, so the timing of this is really stupid… unless, of course, this whole thing is a psyop designed to get kids to trust spies, in which case its timing would make quite a lot of sense.

I already considered Answers in Genesis to be wolves in sheep’s clothing, and this strengthens my position. Like the spooks they praise, these people are not to be trusted.

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